The last six months of my life have been full of change, some terrifying, some magical and some eye opening. I’m ready to talk about the real shit in my life, because after all that’s why I started this Blog, yes beauty products and fashion are great fun but does it change anyone’s life NO! So here I am Becca Blogger stripping herself bare and giving you all an insight into the most thought evoking six months of my life!
Six months ago you might have looked at my life and thought, I had it all but the stark truth was I wasn’t happy at all. Did I do the thing many people are guilty of and convince myself I was happy “HELL YES!” Many of you will know I lost my Mum almost 7 years ago to the day, this had a massive effect on my body, decision making ability and my heart! I guess when I lost my Mum I kind of became scared of change because it was big and scary so keeping everything in my life the same meant I was safe! Throughout the last 7 years, I started to realise I wasn’t living I was merely existing, which even writing that breaks my heart because “life’s a FUCKING gift” it should be grabbed with both hands and lived like each day is your last!
June came and I made the decision to leave the man I had spent 10 years with and I thought I would spend the rest of my life with, this wasn’t about him it was me who needed to learn to be alone, discover myself and what I really wanted out of LIFE! We sold our dream home, I moved back with my dad which for me was so hard I felt like a failure and doubted if I was doing the right thing. I slipped into a grey place, my anxiety peaked and looking back I would say I was depressed but tried really hard to hide it, my bed was my favourite place and people where the enemy. A few months passed and I was ready to find my own home, start a fresh and move forward with my plans. I bought my own house, got my keys decorated and moved in officially in November, its a real home and somewhere I feel safe which when living alone was my main priority. I always told myself I could never live alone and its mad but now I wonder how ill ever live with anyone again, funny how things change.
I made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t be one of those people who get into a rebound relationship, after all the reason I left was to discover me and enjoy my own space, I’ve kept that promise and enjoyed dating with the intention of just meeting new people. This journey is very much still ongoing and its going to take time, patience and a whole lot more work from me, but I can honestly say I’m really happy and content and that’s the first time in 28 years I have been able to say that so that’s feels like Powerful place to stand and admire the world! I look forward to learning more about myself, really working hard on my blog and growing that into what I have always wanted it to be a place where people can share the scary shit they don’t want to face alone.
(To my readers)
If your sitting in a situation where your unhappy, scared and don’t know where the hell to turn, look inward you hold all the answers to your questions you just need to trust that wee voice in your head that’s begging you to be strong enough to change! Thank you for reading this blog post, its a rough one to share and I am not claiming my life’s perfect now because I don’t want perfect I want my own wee story and that’s exactly what I finally have. All my Love Becca Blogger x x x